You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
