We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
