Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
