the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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