xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Barsexuality is the new black.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
