Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
