I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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