You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
