did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
