i think my tv is drunk
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize