You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you will always have a special place in my vag
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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