just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
