Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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