i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize