Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
