My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
