i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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