just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
