Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
