in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
