It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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