You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Randomize
