Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
