I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Randomize