Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
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