She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
