Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
