I'm lost and stupid without you.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
