3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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