found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
