I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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