The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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