Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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