three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
