I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Dick very happy bro
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize