Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize