Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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