Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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