i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
