i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
