whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
