That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
my liver is dry heaving
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
