shes about as inviting as chlamydia
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
