She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
