Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
