I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
