Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
