Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
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