We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
