he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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