i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
