We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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