I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I looked at my own cervix.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
