can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Randomize
