My friends, they love my intelligence
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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