i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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