A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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