why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
