I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Randomize