When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Randomize
