you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
