i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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