Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize