The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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