have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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