oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Randomize
