i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
