One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
