i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
