theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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