Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
