worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
