my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
