i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Just puked most of my soul out..
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
