so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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